I know, I know...this post is VERY delayed. And I'm sure those of you who are perceptive about when I post will have noticed my sneaky attempts to fake consistency by modifying the 'post date'. And to the less perceptive readers out there: no, unfortunately I do not have the power to go back in time and post on my blog from the past (though as far as superpowers go, I have to say that would be quite a lame one). I know I'm not fooling anyone, it's my slight OCD that needs to see that little (1) next to each month on the side of the main page.
So despite the publish date which reads December 31st, 2011, I would still like to wish you all a very happy new year! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas holiday with your loved ones. I thoroughly enjoyed my 2 weeks at home with my family. For new year's I flew back to London and met with some friends there. We brought in the new year on a boat in the middle of the Thames river, watching Big Ben strike midnight and the subsequent 15 minutes of fireworks (which apparently cost the city 4 million pounds!). The energy, the vibrance, the madness of it all was exhilarating and I felt impervious to any jet-lag that wanted to pull me down. Looking up at the sky and seeing endless fireworks literally shooting out of Big Ben and the London Eye was one of those magical and surreal moments where you think to yourself: 'I am going to remember this for the rest of my life'.
So now getting on to the more important 'stuff': resolution three. The third and final resolution I made for 2011 was a creative one (as you all know), but more specifically, it was a musical one: learn how to play the guitar. I've always admired people who can pick up a guitar and play a melody or strum the chords to a particular song. They make it look so easy and, like with running, it seems these days that everyone can pick out a song or two on the guitar (which made me think it can't be THAT hard to learn how to play). Serendipitously enough, a friend of mine gave me one of his old acoustic guitars last year which made me think it was the perfect time to start learning how to play.
The year started off successfully enough. I was self-teaching by watching lessons on YouTube and DVDs and picked up a few basic scales and strumming/picking techniques. Then for my mom's birthday in April, I sent her an audio clip of me playing Happy Birthday on the guitar (just picking out the melody though, not strumming chords). Even during the first half of the summer, I rented a guitar in Canada (my acoustic guitar here is in need of a case for travel) and I kept at it, learning more scales and a few simple songs. It all seemed to be going quite well, and I thought 'for sure by Christmas I'll be strumming carols for the family to sing along'.
But then it all went downhill. And funny enough, the descent started because of my first resolution, my Vipassana retreat. For 10 days I was without a guitar. When I returned from the retreat, I got so wrapped up in trying to meditate for 2 hours a day that somehow there just wasn't enough time in the day to do everything I wanted to, including practising guitar. Then I went to Miami with my parents for a week, and then to Vancouver for 10 days, and when I got back it was time to arrange for my departure to the UK again. And now I'm sitting here writing this post, looking at my poor Yamaha in the corner of the room, which I haven't picked up in months to play!
If I had to assess the success of my third resolution, I'd say I was 50% successful. I did spend the first half of the year practising quite regularly, and learning the basics, but I'm nowhere near the level of competence I expected by the year's end. Just because it's the end of the year, doesn't mean the resolution goes to waste. It's just something that will carry over and hopefully, with more time and practice, I will eventually get better (I really need to take formal lessons once I'm in a stable place though, because this self-learning really isn't working for me). I guess the more important question to ask is, have these resolutions proved that I am capable of taking on challenges, or, is my dad right - do I always look for the easy way out? Well I would have to say that 2.5 out of 3 is not a bad score at all, and if I had to rank how difficult each of my resolutions were to complete, I'd say that the two which I successfully completed were the most difficult (Vipassana first, running second).
That being said, I have wondered whether I would have created any of these resolutions at all, had I not been called out on my laziness in the first place. Which also makes me think that in many ways, having character flaws and acknowledging their existence in yourself, can often be of benefit to your development. Think about it: if I didn't in some small way agree with the idea that I avoid challenges, then I wouldn't have gone so far out of my way to prove otherwise. I would have been completely confident and ignored the comment. But instead, I rose to the challenge of taking on challenges (see what I did there?). Not to prove anything to my dad, but to prove to MYSELF that I am capable. And ultimately, no matter what other people say about you, what matters most is what you think of yourself, how happy you are with yourself. Don't confuse my words for selfishness. I'm not saying that you shouldn't think of others - I'm saying that you shouldn't look for affirmation from others, because you are your best judge.
People always say 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. Well I'm not so sure that's true. Aren't we all our own beholders, constantly surveying ourselves in addition to others? Then surely we must be able to see our own beauty (and our ugliness) too. In many ways I have a new found gratitude that a) I have flaws and, more importantly, b) I can recognise them in myself because that's what allows us to put in more effort, to strive to be better human beings. Without flaws, and without recognition of them, we are as immobile as a rock, and how boring would that be?Now it's a new year, and the perfect time to become your own beholder: what is your beauty? what is your ugliness? and what are YOU going to do about it?
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