Vipassana: The Basics

It's officially been four weeks since I returned from my Vipassana meditation retreat. After putting off this post, I have forced myself to finally sit down and write about my experience, all the way from Miami, Florida! As a side note, my parents and I decided to run away for the week to get some beach-time in, and it's been lovely so far (more on my summer travel adventures another time).

In short the retreat was, quite easily, the best 'thing' I have ever done in my life. For ten days I was put through quite a mental/physical/spiritual challenge. But there is no greater feeling than that of overcoming challenges - and by the end of the retreat I was full of peace, harmony and happiness. So here's how it happened...

On the evening you arrive (which doesn't count as part of the 10 days, by the way), the centre explains the code of discipline you are expected to keep for the entire duration of the course. This is known as 'sila' which means 'moral conduct'. As I mentioned in my previous post, Vipassana is a Buddhist meditation technique. During the time of Buddha, the commonly spoken language was Paali - which is a sister language of Sanskrit (that's why some of the words have a similar sound and/or meaning as Sanskrit). Sila includes 8 precepts. They are:

1. to abstain from killing any being;
2. to abstain from stealing;
3. to abstain from all sexual activity;
4. to abstain from telling lies;
5. to abstain from all intoxicants.

6. to abstain from eating after midday;
7. to abstain from sensual entertainment and bodily decorations
8. to abstain from using high or luxurious beds.

The eight precepts are followed by all students who attend the course (meaning new students who are attending for the first time, as well as old students who have previously attended other 10 day courses). However there is a slight difference for the sixth precept. All new students are allowed to have some fruit and tea with milk after midday (this is served around 5 in the evening) while old students are only allowed tea without milk. Trust me when I say that the fruit doesn't really make much of a difference. Our days started at 4 in the morning, and ended around 9:30 pm. Ten of those waking hours are spent in meditation each day, with small breaks in between for breakfast, lunch, time for showering, interviews with the assistant teachers (if you have questions) etc. Even though technically, you shouldn't require much food since you aren't really moving around, I found myself on many nights quite hungry, and learned early in the course to eat as big a lunch as possible. Another note about the food is that despite the lack of dinner, the rest of the meals were absolutely delicious. Everything was vegetarian, but extremely tasty, freshly prepared and healthy. Most of the lunches were Indian dishes like dhaals and curries served with rice. There was always a salad bar with such a variety of options and even desserts on most days. The kitchen staff go out of their way to accommodate all kinds of dietary restrictions and allergies - the food is cooked with so much love and selflessness that on some days I nearly started crying after a single bite (it may also have been the sheer joy of eating that I came to appreciate so much). The lengths that the volunteers will go purely in the service of others is truly inspiring and uplifting - especially when you're going through your own personal struggles during the course!

The question I've been asked most often since returning from the course is: Wasn't it hard not talking for ten days? The answer is always the same. No. Not talking for ten days is easy. Ten days of Noble Silence on the other hand, is very hard. Noble Silence means no talking, no gesturing to others, no eye contact, no smiling, no laughing, no exercising, no reading, no writing, no singing, no dancing, no physical contact with others, no praying, no music, no TV, no phones, no computers. You truly realise how alone you are in this world when you are forced to dis-connect from everything that you think is part of your identity. Even something as simple as not wearing your make-up or the jewelery you normally do can really deepen whatever vulnerabilities or insecurities you may already have. On the plus side, I actually learned to enjoy not having to follow my usual 'getting dressed' routine for ten days (and it was also nice to not interact with any males for 10 days as the course is completely segregated!). The other point I wanted to clarify was that although the retreats are often referred to as Noble Silence retreats, this is not really the main goal or purpose of the course. The Noble Silence is, like Sila, part of the foundation for successfully acquiring the Vipassana meditation technique. In order to fully understand how the technique works and to maximize its benefits over the ten days, you first need to be in complete isolation - this is what Noble Silence allows you to do. If you really want to go deep into your mind, deep into your unconscious mind (which I learned is actually the most conscious part of your mind), then you need to work in isolation, you need to dissolve your ego, even just a little bit, to gain better focus and concentration. For ten days you live like a monk or a nun - you accept what food you are given, you wear modest and simple clothing, and you live off the charity of others (which is why there is no cost to attend a Vipassana course - you can offer a donation to assist future students, but they do not charge any fees to attend).


Unfortunately I'm going to hit the pause button for a few days - mainly because it's getting late and tomorrow morning we are headed to Marco Island. But also because this post would get quite long if I tried to cover everything. What I've attempted to do so far is briefly explain the 'superficial' elements of the course, and next time, I will do my best to describe in more detail, exactly what Vipassana meditation is, and some of my personal experiences. Maybe what I've written up to this point makes it sound like a horrible, torturous experience - I felt that way during the first couple days of the retreat as well. But I promise that the 'good stuff' is coming up, just as it did towards the end of my course. Hope you have all had a wonderful July - stay tuned for part two in August!

Resolution One

Back in January, I made three resolutions for 2011. Usually I am quite open about my goals and intentions and I share them with my friends and family. One morning though, as part of my breakfast routine, I was watching a TED talk by Derek Sivers (it's only 3 minutes long and worth a watch). He explains why our goals should be kept secret based on some very compelling research. Essentially, when you articulate your goals to others, a part of your brain is tricked into thinking that you're closer to achieving that goal, which makes you less likely to take the necessary steps towards making it happen. With this in mind, I have decided to keep my resolutions to myself until they become a reality. But as of tomorrow, I will have begun my 10 day journey towards fulfilling resolution number 1, and thought it was about time I shared it with you all (also, if I don't write something today, I'll miss my June post!).

Resolution Number 1: Attend a Vipassana sitting

For a few years now, I've wanted to attend a Vipassana Noble Silence retreat. For some reason, it has never materialised for me - either due to work commitments or a wedding or some other obstacle. This summer though, it seemed that everything aligned to allow me the time (and courage!) to register for a course. What is Vipassana? It is one of India's most ancient meditation techniques, which was rediscovered by the Buddha over 2500 years ago. The word Vipassana means seeing things as they really are. This is done through a process of self-purification by self-observation. All over the world there are Vipassana centres which offer 10-day silence retreats throughout the year. I'll be attending the centre in Egbert, Ontario from June 22nd until July 3rd.

Some of the few friends and family I have told about my plans were a bit confused as to why a relatively quiet person like myself would need or want to be in noble silence for 10 days. Noble silence is not limited to vocal silence, but silence of the mind and the body. Maybe I'm not a big talker, but I'm almost always engaged in some kind of 'noise' be it watching TV, listening to music, reading a book or writing (case in point). By detaching from all of these distractions, we allow ourselves to experience the universal truths of impermanence, suffering and egolessness. This truth-realisation by direct experience is the process of purification which is meant to occur during the course.

I have never written a single lie or false-truth on this blog, so I won't start now. Of course I feel anxiety about going. Ever since I registered for the course back in February, I've been contemplating whether or not I am ready for such extreme discipline and detachment. It will probably be one of the most challenging experiences of my life. But since Swami's physical passing, His omnipresence is even clearer to me now than it was before, and whatever little doubt or anxiety I may feel bears no comparison to the magnanimous voice within me which is shouting: go! go! go!

While I'm away, I know there will be many special occasions and events I will be missing. Celebrations of new life and birthdays, long-weekend festivities, rehearsals and deadlines - and I apologise in advance for my *physical* absence during this time. You will certainly be in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending you all my love and well wishes for the rest of the month! Wish me luck, and I'll definitely post a follow-up when I return in July.

Embodiments of Love!

Preface (written on April 24th, 2011):

Less than 24 hours ago, I wrote and posted the following entry. This was during the time when Sai Baba was in a critical state of health. As we know now, early this morning, on Easter Sunday, Swami passed away. I don't want to change anything I have written below, because it still remains true, though asking for His immediate and full recovery as I have done, is clearly no longer possible.

Swami always said, 'My Life is my Message'. Though His life as this avatar has ended, let His message live on forever, and let us continue to follow His teachings, and to raise our children, and our children's children with the same love, compassion and divine guidance we have been blessed with in this lifetime.

*********

When I was about 12 years old, my parents took my sister and me to India for the very first time. We went on a spiritual pilgrimage to Prashanti Nilayam, the ashram where Bhagawan Sri Satya Sai Baba resides. Some of you might be asking, who is Sai Baba?

'I am God. And you too are God. The only difference between you and Me is that while I am aware of it, you are completely unaware'

This is His response when asked about His identity. Providing an entire summary of His life and mission would be an entry on its own and not the intention here (especially since most of my readers already know about/are devotees of Swami). But for further reading, I highly recommend the Sai Radio website, which provides a truthful explanation. My purpose is not to try and convince or instill belief in those who do not believe, but to merely express my own experiences and devotion.

Up until my visit to Prashanti, Swami's presence in my life was only in the form of pictures, prayers, bhajans (spiritual singing) and stories I was told by others about Him. Every Saturday morning, we would have our Bal Vikas classes with the other children. Bal Vikas means the blossoming of a bud into a flower - and so too we blossomed through spiritual education. We would learn about epic stories such as the Ramayana and Mahabharata, practice singing bhajans, and mould our bodies into various asanas during yoga class (not all at the same time of course!). Most importantly though, we were taught the importance of Swami's five-fold path for leading a meaningful life: Satya (Truth), Dharma (Righteousness), Shanti (Peace), Prema (Love), and Ahimsa (Non-Violence). Adherence to these five principles in all aspects of our life would keep us on the right spiritual path. One of the most beautiful aspects of Swami's teachings is that they are applicable to all faiths and religions. His aim is 'not to disturb or destroy any faith, but to confirm each in his own faith, so that the Christian becomes a better Christian, the Muslim a better Muslim and the Hindu a better Hindu'. I prayed to Swami every night, thanks to my parents’ reminders, and tried to embrace the five-fold path to the best of my abilities.

But suddenly I found myself at the tender age of 12, implanted into the birthplace of all my spiritual education. Before this, Swami had come into my world. Now, I had come into Swami’s world and something felt radically different. On the first day we went for darshan (blessings from Swami) we sat amongst the hundreds of devotees in the darshan hall, patiently waiting to see Swami walk past us. We were so many rows behind His path (everyone draws numbers in order to determine the seating) but you could not miss Him in His bright orange robe. Suddenly this being who I had only seen in pictures and videos, this being who I had prayed to every night, whom I sang the praises of in bhajans, was walking only a few metres in front of me. Tears were falling from my eyes, and I was overcome with a deep love for Swami that I suppose was hiding inside me for many years.

On one of the days as we lined up, waiting for our turn to pull a number for darshan seating, someone in my family (perhaps my mum or one of my aunts who had come with us) had pulled out either a number 1 or 2 (the details are foggy). This was very exciting – finally one of us would have the opportunity to sit so close that we could maybe speak with Swami or bow to His feet, with His permission. Through the generosity of my family, they let me take the number and sit at the very front. They passed me several letters we had been taking with us every day, from other family members, hoping that Swami would collect them personally from my hands. My heart was racing, and a thousand thoughts were going through my mind: What if He asks me something? What if I can’t understand Him? What if He lets me ask a question? What do you ask God? And so on and so on.

Then Swami appeared and began to walk on His usual path. Once I saw Him, all the thinking stopped. He slowly walked past us, with His right hand lifted, showering His divine blessings upon us. My hand was stretched out with the letters, just like the hands of those beside me, and my focus was on His face –trying to take in this moment of closeness that I may never experience again. He looked at me, with an endearing gaze, His dark eyes filled with pure love, and a slight smile. My eyes brimming with tears, my mind completely empty, I could think of nothing to say. He continued walking along, and the letters remained in my hand. I will never forget that moment, because it reminds me so much of the way my mother looks when she is immensely proud of me. The literal translation of Sai is mother, and it was that brief moment, a moment that could not have lasted more than two or three seconds, in which I most clearly understood the meaning of His name, Sai.

This is the only story I have to tell of my experience with Swami. I don’t have dreams about Him, He has not spoken to me, He has not materialized anything for me. But I don’t really need anything else to know that every cell of my body, every inhalation and exhalation, every word I speak, is one with Swami. When I pray, I do not pray to Him, but I pray in salutation to the oneness of our divine beings. When I feel lost or frustrated, I say to myself ‘Swami, I surrender everything to you, do as you wish’ and I find solace in my unwavering faith that He knows what He is doing.

But this month, that faith has definitely been tested. On March 28th, Swami was hospitalized and continues to be in a critical state of health. All over the world, millions of his devotees have been praying for His physical well-being. We are all puzzled as to why He has chosen to suffer in this way, what is the meaning and intention behind His condition? For the first time in a long time, I find myself praying to Swami, asking Him to please, get better. I feel a depth of sadness and grief that I’ve not felt before. Even writing this entry has been a long process, filled with many tears. In my mind, I know that we shouldn’t be so attached to forms, and I know that Swami’s existence is beyond His form. But in my heart, when I close my eyes, I still see the image of Him smiling down at that 12 year old girl, and part of me is unable to detach. I know many of you reading have probably been feeling the same way over the past month, and I’ve been reading about the many prayers and bhajans that have taken place for Swami, longing to be with you all during this very difficult time.

If one thing has become clear, it is the pure, all-encompassing love that we share for Bhagawan. Let us channel that love in our prayers for His immediate and full recovery.

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti (Let peace prevail everywhere)

Sai Ram

Switzerland!

If you want to go to a place where you can get spoiled beyond belief, to a place where you can sample the most delicious and beautifully-prepared food, relax in luxurious spas and take in picturesque views of mountains kissed with snow, then go to Switzerland.

My flatmate Kheira did her Master's in Geneva, and invited me along for a trip there to visit some old friends and escape from the stress of our PhDs (more on that another time...). The first week of December we took six days off and pampered ourselves silly in Montreux - a lakeside city at the foot of the Swiss Alps. There we stayed for three and a half days...well the reality was that even if we wanted to leave, we couldn't because of the snow. The day we arrived in Montreux, it had been snowing heavily. Roads were closed, even the trains had stopped for several hours. The beautiful mountain views I had been dying to see were shadowed by a blanket of fog and snow for the first twenty-four hours of our stay. So we did the next best thing - we booked ourselves some appointments in the hotel's spa and spent some time walking along Lake Geneva. Even in the blizzard conditions, walking along the Swiss Riviera was an absolute joy! The outlines of mountains were barely visible across the lake, but strolling along the water, in the stillness that only snow can bring was such a peaceful feeling.

The following day we had better conditions and were able to do some sight-seeing in Montreux. One of the advantages of travelling in Europe during this time of year is the Christmas Market. Most countries have some type of open market with kiosks and vendors selling all sorts of Christmas goodies. The market in Montreux was set up right along the water, and aromas of roasted chestnuts, mulled wine and fondue filled the air. Of course, I made sure to sample some of everything! Switzerland is famous for their cheese fondue. They specialise in a particular type of cheese called Gruyère – named after the city. Unfortunately, I’m not a big fan of Gruyère because it’s quite aged and sharp (and stinky). But Kheira took me to the best fondue restaurant in Montreux to try ‘moitié moitié’ (which means half/half, as in half Gruyère mixed with half of some milder Swiss cheese) and it was delicious! I must say that in general, I had some of the most exquisite food I’ve ever eaten. Every meal was cooked to perfection, and the combination of flavours was so inventive, and yet really palatable. One of the desserts that I will never forget was a dark chocolate lava cake served with passionfruit coulis – I was so in love with this dish that I took a picture of it!

As the snow and clouds started to disappear and the sun came out, we decided to head to the famous Chateau Chillon – an historic castle. It felt like we owned the place because it was absolutely empty inside! I guess with all the snow, most people had the good sense to stay indoors. It did end up being to our benefit, as we avoided lines and wandered the castle freely. I managed to get some picture-perfect moments of the castle with the sparkling water and mountains in the background...I wish everyone could experience such an enchanting view first hand.

On Friday we left Montreux and headed for Geneva – which is about an hour away by train. And again, upon our arrival to Geneva, we were greeted with relentless snowfall! We barely made it to our hotel in one piece (I’m not exaggerating – the taxi behind us got into a serious accident due to the snow, six seconds later and it would have been us!). We didn’t really venture very far from our hotel that night, but on Saturday we were able to do some shopping and also met with some of Kheira’s friends who still live in the city. Geneva (and Switzerland in general) is extremely expensive. Since the Swiss franc is practically on par with the dollar, I figured most things would be priced relatively similar. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If you are cheap, don’t go to Switzerland. Your wallet will bleed.

Anyways, back to Geneva. Though the city is also surrounded by mountains, (with Lake Geneva running between the ‘old town’ and the city centre) I still preferred Montreux. Geneva is extremely busy and commercial. Everywhere you go, there are stores selling expensive watches and jewelry, the buildings have massive signs on the top advertising brands like Cartier, Rolex, etc. People there seemed a bit pretentious. It also has to do with the fact that Geneva is a business centre – so it attracts a certain crowd. Fortunately I was with friends who were able to point us in the right direction, and despite the snow we had a lot of fun! More pictures are coming tomorrow, my internet connection is really bad at the moment and I'm not able to upload very quickly.

Overall I must say it was a much needed holiday. Since I started my PhD I haven’t had a chance to do any travelling within Europe, so I was grateful to have this opportunity (and the free time!). The minute we got back though, it was straight to work again. I’ve had an extremely busy semester with teaching and my own research. Luckily it’s time for another break (and it couldn’t have come any sooner!). Tomorrow I fly back to Canada for three weeks for the Christmas break, and I am looking forward to seeing all my family and friends again!

A few more pictures:

Apparently, behind these buildings in Geneva is the tip of Mont Blanc, the highest mountain in the Alps.

Crossing Lake Geneva to the Old Town

On the train from Montreux to Geneva

Snapped this one whilst on a Ferris wheel in Montreux's Christmas market!

Navratri

I know most of you who read my blog are family who already know that we are currently celebrating Navratri, but for those who happen to stumble across my blog, or who aren’t Hindu, I thought I’d give a brief explanation...

Navratri is the Sanskrit word for ‘nine nights’ and is a Hindu festival which honours the feminine manifestations of the Divine. There are several festivals throughout the year, but the one occurring now called Maha Navratri (Great Navratri) is the most celebrated and significant. During this time, three forms of the Divine Mother are worshipped (which forms and for how many days during the festival vary depending on the region). Navratri is meant to be a very auspicious time where Hindus express their devotion to the feminine supreme in the form of prayers and fasting.

I remember one year when I was a child, during Navratri, myself along with several other girls my age were honoured in a small ceremony. It is common during Navratri (especially on the last couple of days) for young girls to be recognised as one of the purest forms of feminine power. Their feet are washed, they are fed special sweets and presented with new clothes, and essentially they are treated as goddesses.

At the time, I didn’t really understand the significance of what was taking place – although I do remember how much I enjoyed having my toes painted with red nail polish! But more seriously, reflecting on the experience now, I find it so unconventional, so unique and unbelievable that a religion would not only recognise the significance and power of the feminine but go so far as to honour little girls in this precious way. Is there any other faith which does this?

I am not ignorant to the fact that violence against women and girls takes place even in communities which celebrate Navratri - it's not my intention to glorify all Hindus as supporters of equality. But you have to agree that a festival which sanctifies womankind is pretty cool, and maybe in so doing, on a subconscious level, we can reinforce women's subjectivity, and be reminded of our own significance and 'Shakti' as women.

I don't know if it is correct to 'wish' someone a happy Navratri, but perhaps what I can say is that during this very auspicious time, I am praying for continued blessings and guidance to all my little goddesses.

Summer Travels

I've been meaning to upload some pictures from my summer travels for a while now, and have finally found the perfect, lazy Saturday afternoon to do it! Unfortunately I'm still without a high-speed wireless connection so it's taking a while for these pictures to load (otherwise I would have shared many more) but for now it will have to suffice. And the other odd thing with pictures on this site is that they load in reverse chronological order so the pictures aren't exactly in the same order that I travelled. Enjoy!

My aunt and uncle from Trinidad were in New York at the same time as us - we had a wonderful time sight-seeing together! Here we are having a coffee break in one of the Trump buildings.

During our stay in New York we took a carriage ride through Central Park

Of course I insisted stopping at Strawberry Fields to pay my respects to Lennon (once a Beatles fan, ALWAYS a Beatles fan)

Some of the family after my cousin Maya's wedding ceremony

Later that evening the wedding reception took place...fantastic party!

At the 'Top of the Rock' (Rockefeller Building)

Our hotel was in Times Square, one of the most energised, electric places I've seen.

M&M World

Need I say more?

My cousin's wife Asha and her daughter Ashley (on the only ride the three of us can handle!)

My first trip to Disney World!

Believe it or not? This is one of the Ripley's museums in Orlando...

Mum and I in the IceBar in Orlando...brrrr!

Exploring downtown Ottawa!

The view from our tent...

My first time sleeping in (and pitching) a tent!!!

There is something really liberating about pitching a tent on your own...it was a proud moment for Mel and I!

We also purchased a DVD with footage from our rafting trip in Ottawa, which I spliced into a shorter clip of our raft in particular. Hopefully this works (you might need to click 'play' and then pause it for a few minutes to load before playing the entire clip):

A summer of firsts

I know...I was doing so well with my 'one post a month' schedule this year. And now every time I look at my post history for 2010 July will forever be a sad zero. Then again, everyone deserves a holiday right?

So, A LOT has been going on in the last two months. I finished and submitted my upgrade document mid-June and met with a panel for my defense (aka viva) at the end of the month. I was probably the most nervous I've ever been, and I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was completely on my own. Usually whenever I've had a major exam or presentation in the past, my parents have been there to give me their blessings or in some cases, even drive me to wherever I needed to be. This time, I was flying seriously solo. I got into the room though, and had a very informal discussion with the panel - they were all very friendly and I was lucky in the sense that it didn't seem as though anyone had a strong desire to 'trip me up' by asking extremely difficult questions. It felt more like an opportunity to get some helpful advice, take in the suggestions of experts, and have an overall 'test-run' for the quality of my research.

An hour later, they asked me to leave the room so that they could come to a decision regarding my 'status'. At this point, I wasn't sure whether I would be given a straight pass into my second year, or if I would be asked to make any amendments and re-submit my work (I knew that I had done well enough for either of these outcomes to be applicable rather than something scarier like "maybe you should think about downgrading to our MPhil instead of PhD"). By God's grace, when I returned to the room, the panel informed me that I would be passed straight through, and I couldn't stop grinning after that! Being asked to make some changes is never a big deal - and it happens quite often to a lot of PhD candidates. In fact I was preparing myself to have to make changes because I submitted my work quite early. But at the end of the day, nobody wants to be told they left certain points out or that they overlooked a specific idea. It's just a nice little cherry on top the upgrade sundae to know that other scholars think your work is stellar, just the way it is. And of course, my supervisors played a major part in my success this year.

Two short weeks after my viva, I flew back to Canada, celebrated my quarter-of-a-century birthday (and did suffer a brief quarter-life crisis), spent loads of time with family and friends, squeezed in a trip to Ottawa for some white water rafting (first time ever!), signed a tenancy agreement for a new (and very beautiful) flat in the city centre (if you want to see a video tour e-mail me) and am now in the last three weeks of my visit. And as usual, I am still in awe of how quickly the time has passed. But the adventure continues, because I will also be headed to Manhattan and Disney World for the first time and I am really excited (they were both on my list of places to see before I turn 30). This has been one of those 'catch-up' entries but once I've done all my travelling I will write something a bit more substantial to summarize all the exciting experiences!

I hope you have all been having an equally eventful, fun and safe summer!